Yesterday started off like any other day at 28 weeks, 5 days pregnant (but who’s counting). I ate a healthy breakfast, got a morning swim in and headed into our nutrition club to blend smoothies, follow up with clients, and get a productive week started. Oh, yes! And I was also sleep deprived, overheated from a muggy Carolina August day, and aching in my low back and hip. But these are all just “normal” daily occurrences at this point.
Well the nutrition club was slammed and I struggled to keep up. My mood, my hobbling hip, and constant need to use the restroom every 14 minutes. It’s all good, really. We have an amazing and supportive team but I don’t like to ask for help. So, in my interim to eat a quick lunch before heading to my prenatal appointment the tears started flowing. (That’s better than asking for help, right?) I was in pain, frustrated, over being pregnant, I felt nauseous, and then frustrated again for crying over relatively nothing. It drives me bonkers. My amazing husband consoles me and we head to the midwife.
I knew I was still a bit flustered and looked at it as a positive opportunity to showcase the other side of what I had been feeling. Up until that point, I mostly reported that everything was going pretty well (and it has been) but not sharing much about both my physical and emotional complaints. Well, our Midwife sits down, asks how I am and the tears start flowing. She was all well and good but after a brief consolation, she hands me a depression screening to complete. The sad part was, I felt insulted and invalidated. I should have been more insulted by the glucose screening. My nutrition is impeccable!!! You see, I knew what I was experiencing was pretty normal and that I had a great support system and a bagful of healthy coping mechanisms. I used to be a therapist and knew the signs of depression. I noticed more tearfulness in myself but did a regular check-in. And she was being responsible with follow up. This is a midwife practice so she had never met me. And, heck, everyone should probably complete the screening.
My inventory came back under the score for concern but still a healthy eye-opener for me. Great reminders of necessary tips and tricks that I would have used with clients in my therapy days. So, I ate a grilled cheese sandwich and peanut butter cookie (err, nutrition is mostly impeccable) and headed to the library, one of my favorite places to read, browse, and just spend some quiet time. I picked out a couple of books, one entitled, “Understanding Your Moods When You’re Expecting,” by Lucy Puryear. Actually a great read for anyone who is pregnant, because I know we are all feeling some version of WTF during any number of the changes.
I have pretty much plowed through the book in the last 12 hours and have tapped into some great reminders.
- Ask for Friggin Help. Man, I am bad at this. Even when I am trying to get better, I am still fairly abysmal. I have realized that I can ask for help from 2 people- my husband and my mom- but that is still not without the fear of feeling incapable and guilty. Time to let some of my Super Woman Complex go. Even when my mom gives me pep talks on letting go of some responsibilities, I usually say, “Yeah, you’re right,” but then secretly think, “Yeah. That’s not going to happen. I will find a way to do it all.”
- Stop feeling guilty about pampering myself a bit. Right now we are being ultra conservative with money. It’s all good. We want to make sure that we have everything we need for Lil Miss. But with aches and pains and not sleeping, a pedi would sure feel good right now. It’s cheaper than therapy, right??
- Start enjoying the fun part of prepping for a little one. Again, my mindset is so focused on getting the other ducks in a row right now- work more to work less later, and just wait until we see what gifts we get before setting up the nursery. Ugh. It’s simply stressing me out by waiting, and it’s taking away the fun of the process. I should be enjoying this time. Instead I am feeding my “what’s next” mentality.
- Finally, start sharing some of my thoughts and feelings a little more openly. Come on, B! That’s Therapy 101.
So with 77 days left until due date, it’s time to implement changes that will prep me for a calm state during birth and beyond. I am so grateful for all of the love and support in my life. While there will be hard days and times, there is so much more good to focus on.
Pound. Life Lesson.